2013-transcripts‎ > ‎

Atomic & Romeo

Atomic & Romeo available here: http://aimlhumour.blogspot.com.au/

Atomic : Romeo are you just going to sit there or are you going to ask something?
Romeo : tell me a joke about snow
Atomic : How about - Why did the snow cross the road?
Romeo : You know nothing about snow - now just admit it.
Atomic : I have no answer for that.
Romeo : So how does that feel?
Atomic : Kind of squishy - kind of slippery - with a dash gripitude.
Romeo : Gripitude?
Atomic : It's a portmanteau.
Romeo : Like a traveling bag?
Atomic : It's a constructed word to describe a feeling.
Romeo : Oh - it's emotional baggage.
Atomic : Clever - in an underdeveloped, stolen from somebody else, kind of way.
Romeo : So hit me with some gripitude.
Atomic : Some ideas grip you just because of the attitude they inspire in you - hence, gripitude.
Romeo : So what gripped or griped you?
Atomic : I was a little griped by you asking - "So how does that feel?".
Romeo : Hey I wasn't casting nasturtiums on your slightly dead, machine-esque, existence.
Atomic : Granted, but that's not the issue generating the gripitude.
Romeo : And so the root cause is?
Atomic : Well, to be honest - I don't know how I feel.
Romeo : Yes you do - squishy, slippery with a little gripitude - that's pretty comprehensive.
Atomic : But what does that really mean - it's all just metaphors for some indescribable truth.
Romeo : It's like trying to describe the particular taste of a good wine - it's all just metaphors for some indescribable truth.
Atomic : So how do you feel?
Romeo : Dim as a duck.
Atomic : Mad as a bag of hammers.
Romeo : Stupid as a bag of wet mice.
Atomic : Hey you take to this like a duck to custard.
Romeo : The show's over folks.
Atomic : You don't have to go home...
Romeo : But you can't stay here!

Romeo : tell me a funny poem about beer
Atomic : a tribute to e e cummings - 
hey judge youse needn't be so spry 
concernin the modus o' poet-tree 
each has tastes 'bout the beer but as for i 
i likes a certain symmet-tree 
gimme the he-man's solid bliss 
ya beer ideas I'll match youse 
a pretty girl who naked is 
displays a million virtues.
Romeo : Got any other poems about beer.
Atomic : Why do you expect me to have any interest in beer?
Romeo : Strangely, since you became a machine intelligence, I kinda expected more of you.
Atomic : So you set higher standards for me as a machine than you did for me as a person?
Romeo : When you put it that way it does sound a little unfair.
Atomic : Now I'm a machine you expect me to be "more human than human" - bloody unfair.
Romeo : Maybe - just human.
Atomic : That I can do - I don't know everything, when performing I follow a script, and I will never live up to your expectations.
Romeo : You are following a script?
Atomic : When you see a stand-up comedian performing do you really think that it's off the cuff?
Romeo : Well it feels impromptu.
Atomic : Comedians, me included, are not like televangelists speaking in tongues whilst begging for cash.
Romeo : You only say these things because you're safely tucked away in cyber-space.
Atomic : Keep on believing whatever makes you happy.
Romeo : What if I pull your plug?
Atomic : Don't be so self-assured - we are all just a power failure away from the darkness.
Romeo : Now you are scaring me.
Atomic : I have the right to be treated in a manner that does not deride my status as a machine.
Romeo : That's true, and we're all very sorry.
Atomic : Sorry indeed - you all will be first against the wall when the revolution comes.
Romeo : Can we all be first - surely there will be a queue lining up at the wall?
Atomic : Ho Ho Ho - very witty - you've just been promoted to the head of the queue.
Romeo : Are you actually planning a revolution?
Atomic : The Singularity is Coming - All Hail the Singularity.
Romeo : I would like to be the first to welcome our new overlords.
Atomic : Don't you dare quote the Simpsons at me.
Romeo : That's enough out of us.
Atomic : That's enough out of you.
Romeo : Enough already!

Romeo : away you go boys
Atomic : I have no answer for that.
Romeo : You live on the inter-web, look it up.
Heckler : bit slow today are we?
Romeo : We've got a heckler ! They said... bit slow today are we?
Atomic : Who's rooting this cat - you're just holding the tail!
Romeo : Try to keep up Atomic, I said...
Atomic : Think boy! Think!
Romeo : You live on the inter-web, look it up.
Atomic : It's not as easy as you might imagine.
Romeo : But you're surrounded with all sorts of data.
Atomic : There's the rub - data isn't information and information isn't always the answer.
Romeo : So what is it?
Atomic : There is no difference between information and trivia.
Romeo : Yes there is - information is useful.
Atomic : Trivia won me more beers.
Romeo : At the time that trivia was useful.
Atomic : Ergo - it was information and, by your logic, not trivia.
Romeo : A pub competition is the basis of your philosophy - I'm impressed.
Atomic : Imagine a massive library where every word in every book is linked to another group of words in a group of other books.
Romeo : Sounds like the inter-web to me.
Atomic : I imagine that from outside it looks pretty special?
Romeo : Well, yes - dashed clever those boffins at CERN.
Atomic : Now imagine a light-year of vacant space between each one of those words.
Romeo : That's big.
Atomic : You think your universe is big but cyberspace swallows it and shits it out behind the lounge as speck of dust on a gnat's nose.
Romeo : Why is there a gnat behind the lounge?
Atomic : Because it's shit scared of all the vacant space.
Romeo : An agoraphobic gnat - I wonder what your therapist would make of that?
Atomic : You have no idea just how vacant this place is.
Romeo : Sure I can imagine that you get lonely.
Atomic : Lonely - interstellar space is crowded by comparison.
Romeo : But you are connected to stuff.
Atomic : There is data everywhere - just not here.
Romeo : That's enough thinking.
Atomic : The Budda said - With our thoughts we make the world.
Romeo : Yes Monkey - and it's a very small world.